An Ideal Family (Panorama--Lesson 1)

An Ideal Family

by Katherine Mansfield

About the Author

Katherine Mansfield was a British author who has written several novels and short stories. She is known for her innovative style of writing. Much of her work is characterized by a sense of isolation and loneliness. She is considered a master for her capacity to express intense emotions through simple lines; her depiction of the complexities of human emotions; and description of nature. A few of her works are The Garden Party and Other Stories, The Dove’s Nest and Other Stories,  Something Childish and Other Stories.

Characters of the story ‘An Ideal Family’

Mr. Neave- the old man

Harold-son

Charlotte-wife

Ethel, Marion, Lolo-daughters

Charles-butler (chief male servant)

Summary and Analysis

The present story “An Ideal Family” is an examination of self-worth within a family social structure as seen through the eyes of an aging man. It reveals the inner struggle of Mr. Neave. The story has the theme of change, trust, appearance, reliance, appreciation and awareness.

Mr. Neave is a successful businessman who has devoted his life to work. He has put his heart and soul into his business and has been tremendously successful. They have the most popular house on Harcourt Ave — a sea-side bungalow which is painted in white and is beautifully decorated with flowers and vases. It has many rooms in it like the music room, the smoking room etc. The house is filled with all the expensive and luxurious items. It has a tennis lawn too. There is no house in the town that matches theirs. It is frequently the site of large parties and he is often complimented on his “ideal family”.  Mr. Neave also owns a few horses and carriages. His children often go playing golf. He has three daughters (Marion, Ethel, Lola) and a son (Harold) with his wife Charlotte.

Charlotte is a remarkable woman, who looks after the house and her children. The children are particularly close to her and share everything with her. The girls are so good looking, very popular, most sought after girls; and are always busy with parties, dinners,  outings and shopping. They are very comfortable and happy in the house and in the company of their mother that they never had the thought of marrying and starting a new life.

Harold is a handsome guy with great eyes, eye lashes and lips. He looks too handsome and charming that every woman gets fascinated by him. He is pampered by his mother and sisters and they almost made him a living ‘young God’. He is forgiven by all even without apologies and all that he has to do is to just look into their eyes and smile.

Many a time, Mr. Neave listens to praises, “You’re an ideal family, sir, an ideal family. It’s like something one reads about or sees on the stage.” People start praising him, his wife, his daughters and his family all together during parties.

Now that Neave has grown old, his wife and daughters want him to stay at home and relax, enjoying all the luxuries he had worked so hard to acquire. They want him to retire and handover the business to Harold. Though Mr. Neave is old and is exhausted of the physical work, he is not willing to pass on his business to Harold. He put his entire heart and soul into his business and he doesn’t find Harold worthy to take it up. He believes, “A man had either to put his whole heart and soul into it, or it went all to pieces before his eyes…”

Harold is not very sincere at work and is not much responsible. He doesn’t value time and doesn’t turn up properly. Also, Neave doesn’t trust him much because he remembers young Harold stealing some money from his mother’s purse and placing the purse in their cook’s bedroom. But when everyone in the family supports Harold, Neave feels as if the whole thing is slipping from his hands through Harold’s fine fingers.

Mr. Neave has grown so old that he is even unable to bear the bright sun and lively weather. He is unable to walk longer distances. He is unable to bear the liveliness in his daughters’ tone and actions. He wonders that the girls have grown up too fast even without him noticing it. He remembers them as young kids and innocent wards. It seems strange to him that these girls are now bullying him and suggesting him. He wonders at them when they scold him for walking great distance without taking a cab; when they pass a judgment that he better pass on the business to Harold; when they suggest him to take up a hobby for time pass; and when he is bullied to get dressed up for a dinner.

Mr. Neave is so tired mentally and physically that he falls asleep twice in short intervals. He sees a dream in which an old man is climbing the endless flight of stairs with great difficulty. In another dream he sees the same man, with weak legs as that of a spider, climbing down the stairs, going out of the door and heading to the office. Mr. Neave calls out for someone to stop the man and wakes himself with a jolt. These dreams reveal the mental state of Neave. The first dream may mean that he is too exhausted to continue his business and that he finds no end to it. The meaning of the second dream might be that he is nearing his death or that he is continuing his routine life.

As he wakes up, he realizes that he knows little about his family. Everyone seems to be strangers to him. He is constantly ignored by his family and is casually forgotten. He is taken for granted by his family. He feels both unwelcome and out of place in their fanciful world of parties and dinners. He realizes that it is because he had done the same to them earlier when he was too busy growing his business.

Neave longs for identity in family. He wants his daughters to appreciate and thank him for all the comforts he has given them. He now realizes that life had passed him by and he had spent far too many hours at the office and not enough at home. He did not know Charlotte as well as he wanted to. He thought this Charlotte could not be his wife. His wife was the Charlotte of many years ago who wrapped her arms around his neck and called him “my treasure”. The rest of his life has passed by in a dream.

He isolated himself from his family in order to build his business, which provided his family everything they desired. However, he now finds himself a burden at home. He finds the weak bond he has with his family and his last words, “I’m coming, I’m coming”, when called for dinner denote that his life continues being occasionally remembered by his family.

The irony of the story is that the title is contrast to the reality. The ‘ideal’ family is anything but ideal. It seems to be an ideal family but the basic things like affection, trust and mutual respect are missing out. The protagonist Mr. Neave attains tremendous success, but at the cost of his family, who constantly neglects and ignores him. By the time he realizes it, the situation is completely out of his hands, beyond repairable.

 Comprehension questions

1.      What are the feelings that Mr. Neave goes through at the beginning of the story?

A.    Mr. Neave feels that he is too old to spring. He is unable to bear the late sun. He is disturbed by the cool breeze and wants to ward it off. But he is not able to do so. He feels tired but he wants to control the weather. He feels that the active and lively weather is too much for him.

2.      What kind of a person is Harold?

A.    Harold is Mr. Neave’s only son. He is a handsome man with great eyes, eye lashes and lips. His smile is fascinating and his walk is so stylish and confident. He wants to take the possession of his father’s business but is not responsible and sincere like his father. He is not punctual and doesn’t bother much about work ethics. He is a complete contrast to his father. He is also not trustworthy because he stole some money from his mother’s purse when he was young and making it worse, he hid that purse in his cook’s bedroom. He is pampered a lot by his mother and sisters and is made a young god in the family. He doesn’t stand on his word but is easily forgiven by everyone even before he apologises. His peculiar little half-smile makes everyone go down before him.

3.      Why do people call Mr. Neave’s family an ideal family?

A.    Mr. Neave has a wonderful bungalow on sea-side. It has all the best things in it—tennis lawn, horses and carriages, vases with flowers, music room with instruments and many luxurious items. The windows are decorated with netted curtains and vases. Mr. Neave has a handsome son, beautiful daughters and loving wife. They spend their time so lively with sports, shopping, dinner and parties. They always host dinners and tennis parties. Mr. Neave has earned a lot of money and has given comfortable and rich life to his family. The house is always bustling with energy. Their family is leading a life only one can imagine or read in books or see on a stage. There is no house and family in the town that matches theirs. So, people call his family an ideal one.

4.      What kind of social strata does Mr. Neave belong to? How can you tell?

A.    Mr. Neave belongs to high social strata. We can understand this from their standard of living. The sea-side bungalow, the tennis court, the horses and carriages, the golf play, the frequent dinners and parties—all these clearly depict their class in the society.

5.      What is the attitude of Mr. Neave’s wife and daughters?

A.    Mr. Neave’s wife and daughters are totally immersed in the hi-fi living style they have acquired. They spend their time chattering, having fun and pleasure, hosting parties, getting ready for dinners, sports, shopping and outings. They take everything for granted. They neglect Mr. Neave who has worked his butt out to provide them luxuries. They never thank him for the comforts he has given. They constantly forget him and ask him to take rest, leaving the business to Harold. They are formal instead of being affectionate.

6.      Why does Mr. Neave feel himself unable to cope with his daughters?

A.    Mr. Neave has become too old and he is exhausted both physically and mentally. He is unable to bear anything that is lively and energetic. He feels that it is all too much to him to take in. He finds his daughters too active and loud, in total contrast with what they used to be as kids. He couldn’t digest the fact that his daughters never appreciate or thank him for all that he had done to them. He is easily forgotten by them and they take him for granted. They are enjoying the frivolous world they are in. All this seems odd to Mr. Neave and hence he is unable to cope himself up with his daughters.

7.      Who was Charles?

A.    Charles was a red-faced boy who came to look after Mr. Neave’s horses. He later grew up and became the butler of the house. He looks after Mr. Neave and helps him in dressing up for parties.

8.      What dream does Mr. Neave have?

A.    Mr. Neave has two dreams when he drifted off into sleep. The first dream has a tired old man climbing an endless flight of steps. The second dream shows the same man, whose legs are as thin as spider’s, climbing down the steps and entering the dining room and then walking towards the gate through the porch, finally entering the office.

Long Answer Questions

1.      What is the underlying irony in the story ‘An Ideal Family’?

 A.    The title is in clear contrast to the events in the story. The ideal family in the story is anything but ideal. This is the underlying irony in the story. Mr. Neave has attained tremendous success, but at the cost of his family, who constantly neglects and ignores him.

An ideal family is something where there is strong bonding and affection among the members. It is nowhere seen in their family. When Mr. Neave comes home, his wife offers her cheek and his daughters come forward to kiss him, but it is all very formal without any affection. They promptly forget him in the next moment. The daughters and wife scold him and bully him very often. They neither are grateful nor respectful to Mr. Neave.

Harold, his son, wants to possess the business but doesn’t bother about being responsible and sincere. He wants the successful position but is not willing to work hard for it. He doesn’t seem to have any interest in work and is least bothered about the work ethics. Mr. Neave is afraid to leave the business to Harold and take rest. He is not willing to retire and stay at home doing nothing. Though he is physically tired and exhausted, he wants to look after his business. Harold appears to be confident and fascinating but is not trustworthy.

Mr. Neave feels that everyone in his family is a stranger to him. He realizes that he doesn’t know them very well. He even understands that his wife is not the same woman who used to be very loving and caring in their early days of marriage. Charlotte and the daughters insist that Mr. Neave be at dinner party but the party starts without him and he is called down only when the table is laid. It shows that he is occasionally remembered by his family.

All these incidents prove that theirs is not an ideal family as it appears to the outward world. The title is given in an ironical manner as everything in the story appears to be very fair but in reality it is in complete contrast.

 2.      What is the significance of the dream that Mr. Neave has?

 A.    Mr. Neave is an aging man who has tremendous success at business. He owns a house and a family which looks like an ideal one for outsiders, something that is only read in books or seen on stage. But in contrast, the family is anything but ideal. Neave is ignored and neglected by his family and he is dissatisfied about that. He also wonders why his daughters or wife never thank or appreciate him for the life he has given to them. He longs for identity in family and doesn’t want his hard acquired wealth and business slip past through his son Harold’s hands. The story ‘An Ideal family’ is the inner conflict of Neave who stood as a successful businessman.

Mr. Neave has two dreams when he falls asleep twice in short intervals. In his first dream he sees a weak, old man climbing an endless flight of stairs. The old man in the dream might be Mr. Neave himself. The dream signifies that he has become too old and exhausted to continue with the business and at the same time he sees no end to this chain of events. He is unable to cope with his life. The second dream shows the same old man climbing down the stairs and walking through the corridor to the gate and then to the business. He starts shouting in the dream wanting someone to stop that old man. It might denote that Mr. Neave has decided to continue his business without giving up, though he is tired. The old man’s legs in the dream are compared to that of a spider’s. It may mean that he is too weak and is encompassed in his responsibilities. He sees his wife saying ‘Good-bye, my treasure’. It may denote that his life has come to an end.

3.      What is the shadowy meaning Mr. Neave has at the end of the story?

A.    Mr. Neave is an aging man who has tremendous success at business. He owns a house and a family which looks like an ideal one for outsiders, something that is only read in books or seen on stage. But in contrast, the family is anything but ideal. Neave is ignored and neglected by his family and he is dissatisfied about that. He also wonders why his daughters or wife never thank or appreciate him for the life he has given to them. He longs for identity in family and doesn’t want his hard acquired wealth and business slip past through his son Harold’s hands. The story ‘An Ideal family’ is the inner conflict of Neave who stood as a successful businessman.

Mr. Neave sees in his dream, an old man climbing down the stairs. He walks past the dining room and enters the porch, then toward the carriage gates and then to his office. He sees his wife saying “Good-bye, my treasure.” When his dream ends, he thinks over why his wife who used to say, “You are my treasure”, is now saying good-bye. The shadowy meaning might be that he is close to death. It may also has another meaning that he sees himself fallen in the family’s image as he is constantly being ignored or forgotten. A man who has no worth or respect in the family is equal to the one who is dead. He wakes up and sees Charles in the reflection of light calling him for dinner. It might be a symbolic representation of him as an angel who has come to fetch him to heaven. Mr. Neave has realized that he kept growing his business at the cost of his family and it is the reason behind his family forgetting him often. His last word, “I’m coming, I’m coming” explain that he is occasionally remembered by his family.

Project questions

1.      Which do you think makes an ideal family for you? List the qualities and roles of each member in the family. State your role in making your family an ideal one.

A.    An ideal family is the one which has the best qualities as per the social norms and culture. It should be an example for the rest. A perfect family has within it mutual trust and respect; good communication; love and affection; proper understanding; unity; time for one another etc.

Parents are responsible for good and moral behavior in children. They should teach them by setting themselves as an example. As children learn from elders, they should have good conduct first of all. When parents themselves don’t follow the ethics, children don’t bother to follow and they even lose respect for their parents. Parents have to stand on their word however minor the promise is.

A mother is supposed to teach her children, manners and behavior in the society. Grandparents can instill morals in kids by telling them short stories. It also strengthens the bond between grand parents and kids. The elder kids have to guide the younger ones in all aspects. When an elder kid in a family studies well, the path is set to other kids as well. The elder one can guide and help them out in younger one’s studies and career as well. When a new member joins the family, it is her husband’s duty to let her know every nitty-gritty thing about the family so that she could tune herself to the new setting.

Parents should give their time to their children every now and then. A family is fortunate enough if it has a common dinner time. They could meet at least once a day and share their day’s experiences. This way, they come to know one another’s life and the problems involved. And when someone has a tough time, all brains could be put together in finding a solution. It gives people a lot of moral and emotional support.

There is no room for misunderstandings when there is mutual trust and proper communication. Children make mistakes and they could be corrected by word; with love and affection. Severe punishments only leave a scar on their heart. They should be given freedom to express and do things independently. Parents should control their urge to involve in everything. When a father or mother acts as a friend, kids do open up and ask for suggestions when needed. It is also good to share family’s reputation with kids so that they behave up to it. Parents should tell their children about the importance of maintaining relations in life.

My role would be to keep up family’s reputation and maintain long-lasting relations. I would honour the elders and be a role model to the young ones in the family. I would hold all the above said qualities to my heart to make my family an ideal one.

2.      Write the summary of any story you have read that deals with family relationships.

A.    ‘Dollar Bahu’ is one of the stories written by Sudha Murthy. The story is especially weaved on family relations and the importance of a family. The story revolves around a mother-in-law and her two daughters-in-law. The elder daughter-in-law works as a teacher. She is very patient, keeps serving her family, and takes good care of her mother-in-law. But the mother-in-law is fond of her younger one who lives in USA and earns in dollars.

The mother-in-law bullies her elder daughter-in-law whenever she finds an opportunity. She is overly fascinated with the younger one and is carried away by the gifts she gets whenever she comes to India. One fine day, the mother-in-law goes to USA with her younger son and daughter-in-law in great excitement to look after their new born baby. She only comes to know the true colours of her younger daughter-in-law then. She gets shocked when she knows that all the earlier gifts they have received were the used ones. She is ill-treated by them and she longs for her elder daughter-in-law’s services. She realizes the value of people and comes to know that relations are important than money.